Catnip Attracts All Manner of Creatures
by Milady Montrose
Summary: Lion decides to bring catnip and food to hang with his kitty friends, but something follows him back home. Steven must then play the exterminator to remove the creature from under the House. Rated T for dangerous situations.
1. Chapter 1

Lion padded into the grocery store early in the morning. The few people inside and the cashier continued with their routine, pretending to ignore Lion. Lion knew, though, he was absolutely impossible to miss. With his gorgeous coral locks and downy-soft fur, he was a complete show stopper.

A sharp prick twinged up his butt, sending little prickles up his haunches. " _Pearl must still be following me, but never mind. I'll still get the object of my desire!"_ soliloquized Lion mentally. Another sharp prick ran up his butt.

" _Lion!_ Stop stealing! I'm running out of money to pay for your misdeeds!" Pearl shoved past Lion's butt, squeezing past the doorframe, to stumble and fall when Lion moved forward. Lion sniffed around, and proceeded leisurely through the shop to the pet food aisle. Gathering several large bags of cat food, Lion left the store.

"Li-ONNN!" yelled Pearl, chasing him to the mouth of the door. Pearl halted right there, spun around, and poured cash on the cashiers' desks. "Here!"

As she ran out, in pursuit of Lion, a cashier yelled after her, "Hey, Lady! You paid us _waaay_ too much!"

Lion loped back across the beach, shooting underneath the foundation of the Beach House to evade Pearl. His gambit worked-Pearl thundered up the steps, searching through the house and Temple. When everything was quiet, Lion emerged, and looked over at the horizon.

The sun was hovering just over the horizon. Lion collapsed his back legs, folding them neatly under his body. Lion stayed at the same spot, watching the sun descend, painting the sky around it different colors. He didn't move when Pearl stomped up to him, and began swatting him with her spear. He didn't move when Steven came outside to calm Pearl, and bring her inside.

"We're gonna play a game!" said Steven. "Wanna come?"

" _Nah,_ " thought Lion.

A moment passed. Steven walked around to the front of Lion. His answer given, Lion ignored Steven.

"Um, Lion? I'm going inside. If you wanna join, just come inside!" Steven tried again.

" _Nope,_ " thought Lion. Steven went inside after a bit, still watching Lion.

The sun descended, and, when the sky was as dark as it would ever get, Lion arose. The night was a black cloak, masking evil deeds in the quiet calm of silence. The sky became overcast, and those brilliant twinklers, the stars, were no longer able to thwart Lion's evil presence…

Ornately thinking thus, Lion loped away from the Beach House, he stuck to the shadows as best as he could. He didn't really care that the garish pink of his fur contrasted nicely with the darkness of a building's shadow. Had Pearl cared to track Lion at this time of night, she could have easily done so without a light. Indeed, one creature did exactly that, tracking his movements from underground.

Lion stopped spinning poetry in his head as he reached the wharfs of Beach City. Standing quietly right by a flickering streetlamp, Onion waited for Lion. In his hands he held the handle of a large wagon, full to the brim with plants of a very special kind.

Lion had brought something special for Onion in a bag; he summoned it out of his pocket dimension, and showed it to Onion. Onion nodded, and Lion replaced the treat. Taking the handle in his jaws, Lion led the wagon and Onion to the Beach House. Once there, Onion took the plants, and planted them all underneath the foundations of the Beach House.

True to his word, Lion summoned the bag out again, and handed it to Onion. Onion eagerly accepted it, and scampered away. Just before he left the foundations, he turned around, and the two conspirators shared a solemn nod.

Lion settled down in the midst of his feline gold, and breathed in its scent, wafting into the house above.

Unbeknownst to him, another creature also loved the scent of catnip.


	2. Chapter 2

In the morning, Steven roused himself from his sleep, and enjoyed an early breakfast. Strangely, the Gems had not emerged from the temple yet, and thus could not join him. Steven sighed, and finished breakfast, despite the strange smell that still had not gone away. Steven's good mood deteriorated somewhat, as the sickly sweet stench was giving him a headache.

When he went to open the door for fresh air, he paused at the sight of strange, furry, ovals scattered on the porch. Steven had to stare for a bit before realizing the ovals were sleeping cats.

Squeeing at the cuteness, Steven managed to squeeze outside with disturbing the cats too much. Mindful of their rest, Steven danced, tiptoed, and at one point, held his breath and floated, to the bottom of the stairs. Under the foundation, the piles of cat continued.

Steven glanced into the sky above. There was something strange about everything, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it. Whenever he stared at his fingers hard, their edges seemed to shimmer, like a mirage. Around the house, a jagged metallic purple ring encircled the house.

Curious at all the cats, Steven crept under, hiding behind a post at the sound of voices. Focusing, Steven could just make out the contents of the discussion.

After a lull, a sharp, clipped voice spoke: "Again, I have to thank our pink friend for bringing us this exquisite catnip."

Several voices agreed with the first.

"So. Has our peaky young friend also acquired the rest of the hardware?" inquired the clipped voice. After a moment it clarified, "The videos, I mean."

"He's a resourceful kid," spoke up a thicker, deeper voice. "However, I'm sure we can obtain those from the house above."

Steven's heart leaped in his chest, the beat quickening painfully.

A third, warm and soft, spoke: "I can't believe he skived like that! What child does not like to pet a cat?"

The thick voice said: "You're acting like it is the duty of a child to love cats."

The warm one, more sheepish, said: "Hmpf. All children should love cats."

Steven could almost see the eye roll of the clipped voice as she said, "I thank our colleagues for that. Now that we've pacified our allies, I think it's time we distract those Gems upstairs. My esteemed coon friend will accompany me into the Temple. We'll steal the you-know-what once those Gems are busy, and dispose of our common enemy, as a favor to our pink friend." Her voice gained an eerie echo as she spoke.

"WHAT?" cried out Steven. Immediately afterwards, he froze, and peeked around the post.

Sitting in half-circle around Lion, several cats (using the term loosely) rose to their haunches. Steven stared in horror: on the far left glared a large tortoiseshell Maine Coon; next to him loomed Lion, back bowed and eyes alight with pink; next on the right, an Egyptian Mau with a grey coat and brown flecks and spots that seemed to stick in Steven's vision like burning sunspots; and to the far right, a snarling, odd-eyed Turkish Angora.

Steven scrambled backwards, bashing his head so hard on the floor he saw stars in his haste to put as much distance between him and those cats as possible. The longer and harder he looked, the more they began to resemble eldritch abominations.

The ears enlarged, then shrunk and shriveled, the faces changed emotions rapidly, from showing the pointed teeth in the back, to ears and mouth relaxed, to shark-like, gums exposed with many layers of teeth, to a snake-like expression: the jaw nearly at 100 degrees to the skull, hanging open, displaying all teeth and tongue.

The cats hurried after Steven. Steven fled, tripping over a sleeping cat right outside the foundation. The cat gave a human shriek, startling Steven. The cat whipped around, lunging at Steven, sinking its suddenly shark-like teeth into Steven's leg. Steven yelled out of fright; sharp lances of pain shot up, but faded away. No blood came from the place where the cat's jaw and Steven's connected, and Steven easily pulled away as if the cat had not bitten him at all.

Steven fled over the metallic purple, jagged line. As if Steven was a mouse that wandered into a trap, the lines solidified into points, and shot upwards. Steven screamed, wedged between two spikes, as he shot up. Sucking in a breath, he floated out of the way of the jaws just in time. Far above the Beach House, in the rarefied air, everything seemed to slow down, to become peaceful.

His headache left, and three long but shallow scratches appeared on his leg, where the cat had bitten him. His mental fatigue disappeared, leaving clear thought behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Steven frowned, and tried to gaze down onto the porch as the jaws chopped down, raising a wave of sand around it. He could see Lion and the cats, gazing up at him. From such a height, Steven could not make out their features, but they seemed to be more…catlike. Softer, cuter, calmer.

 _Something's afoot,_ Steven mused, putting on his Gem-fighting cap. Steven floated down, and the strange smell drifted into his nostrils once more. As it did, the world trembled and jittered around the corners of his eyes, infusing him with paranoia, as before.

Steven landed on the deck, and tried to ignore the cats and Lion. If they really were just cats, they would not attack. Fighting a growing sense of panic, Steven went inside the house, and did not catch one glimpse of the Crystal Gems. In the slightly more clear air of the house, Steven took a moment to calm down, and wondered how to defeat this Gem Monster.

Steven peered out of the window, where the metallic purple line still ringed the house. Thinking a bit, Steven concocted a plan, collected some material, and went outside. Lion and the cats slipped inside the second he went out.

Steven walked around the line, stopping once to stave off a wave of nausea, looking for anything resembling a Gem. Steven threw the couch cushion atop the line. The line swirled a bit, then two foot tall royal purple points rose from the line, and the jaws snapped upwards. Thankfully, the cushion had flipped off the points as they rose, smashing Steven in the face.

Despite the hindrance, Steven was still able to throw his shield at the jaws. The shield smashed into the jaws, sending hairline cracks through the entire thing. Instead of poofing like Steven had thought, the jaws crumbled down in massive chunks. Steven fled onto the porch, shielding himself with the cushion.

The downpour stopped, and Steven flung off the cushion. It landed near some of the cats. All of the cats were awake, but none had moved. They watched Steven with identical, glowing green eyes, all of which neither had a pupil, nor an iris. Steven reluctantly turned his back on them.

The chunks of broken Gem began to roll underneath the foundation of their own accord. Steven ran off the porch, to crawl underneath, to face the Gem Monster. He made a particularly sharp turn coming off the porch stairs, and lost his balance.

Steven planted face-first into the rough sand. Taking a moment to assuage a growing headache, Steven began to crawl slowly under the space. Sure enough, amongst the thickets of catnip and furry cats, lay a large heap of jaw fragments.

Steven supposed the Gem was hiding itself underneath. Batting the fragments aside, Steven destroyed several. These poofed, and though the rest shivered, the Gem had not given up yet. Steven dug through, ignoring the pointy rocks feebly squeezing him, and grabbed a large obsidian, cut in an oval shape. Hairline cracks covered the entire Gem, and a good portion had been hacked out of its face.

The instant Steven touched the Gem, the remainder of the jaw fragments poofed, and the eerie scent clogging the air cleared. Taken off guard, Steven stumbled and tripped over a catnip plant, shredding a few heart-shaped leaves. After a moment, Steven sat up, and sniffed. He could only smell the catnip, a faint minty scent. It wasn't too bad of a smell. Steven grabbed the obsidian gem, gazing down at it sadly.

He flipped it over, inspecting it, running his thumb over the smooth underside. A pink glow emanated from his palms as he bubbled the Gem, and left the crawlspace.

Inside the Temple, Garnet had noticed the air had suddenly cleared, and a new Gem had been bubbled.

"I can concentrate again!" cried Amethyst in glee, clutching her head.

Pearl looked at the rose-colored bubble. "Steven must have dispatched of the Gem Monster that was causing those ill effects!"

Garnet nodded proudly, and let go of her gauntlets. The three had been searching for a Gem Monster for an hour inside the Temple, mostly rooting through Amethyst's junk. (The Gem had indeed been there, but had left, unbeknownst to the Crystal Gems.) Now with it gone, Garnet believed Steven was due for some praise.

The trio entered the kitchen. Inside, Lion sat at the bar. Three cats, a Turkish Angora, an Egyptian Mau, and a Maine Coon, rode proudly on Lion's shoulders. Steven stood on a stool, scolding him.

"Steven!" called Pearl. Steven broke off, and went to greet them, giving a warm hug to each.

After the appropriate affection was bestowed upon Steven, Steven said indignantly, "Lion planted catnip under the Temple! That must have attracted that Gem Monster!"

"…Catnip?" asked Pearl.

"Yeah!" Steven nodded energetically. "And he and those creepy cats"-here he waved a hand at the three atop Lion's shoulders-"were conspiring to steal something!"

Pearl frowned at Lion, going over to him and giving him the Evil Eye. "I knew you were up to something! He went on a stealing _spree_ last morning! I could barely pay for all the cat food he stole!"

"Hey," said Amethyst, "I'm sure Lion just wanted to hang out with his buddies. That's why he brought the cat- _nip_." She shot some finger guns at Steven, trying to relieve the growing tension.

Despite his anger leaching away, Steven wasn't done yet. "But, Garnet! Lion's friends said they'd steal something!"

Garnet turned to Lion, and kneeled down to meet his eyes. After a moment, she spoke: "I don't think Lion wanted to steal anything, Steven. Cats don't normally speak, so you may have been hearing the Gem Monster speaking."

"…Really?" asked Steven.

Garnet nodded. "After all, Steven, is anything missing?"

Steven checked everything, and saw that yes, indeed, stuff was missing: the rest of the couch cushions, several items of food from the fridge, several DVDs, manga, books, and all of Steven's bedsheets.

Garnet chewed on that. "Still, Steven, I don't think Lion wants to hurt you. My guess is the Gem Monster followed Lion here. Or it smelled the catnip."

Steven lowered his head, then looked at Lion. "Yeah. I don't think Lion would ever wanna hurt me..."

Lion, looking somewhat guilty, replaced all the missing items. After doing so, he gave Steven a lick. Steven felt his anger ebbing away. "O-OK! I forgive you, Lion! I can't stay mad at you…" Steven gave Lion a hug. Atop his shoulders, the cats continued to stare at Steven. "Aren't you gonna introduce me to your friends?"

And Lion did. As if to make up for the unintended consequences of planting catnip, Lion took Steven to a cleverly hidden place underneath the foundations. There were books and games Steven had never seen before, and a TV. Relaxing some, Steven had fun with Lion and his friends. They watched comedy movies, and Steven read books to an audience of about 30 or so cats.

After the day was done, all through the night, Steven stared into space, Garnet meditated, Pearl danced, Amethyst painted pictures, Lion slept, and the thirty or so cats cuddled around Steven, covering him in soft, tickly fur.


End file.
